I have always loved the fair. I enjoy the crisp, cool air. I love the flashing lights, the tempting aroma of grilled food and treats. I love the noise of the rides, the crowd, and the barkers, calling out to the passers-by. Although, I do enjoy a good carnival ride, for me, I just want to feel immersed in the experience of it all.
In the cold light of the morning, though, it is a different world. The rides that were so exciting the night before, stand empty and still, looking like broken relics. The food stands that created such savory morsels are boarded shut and empty. The game booths that show off toys look like shuttered little shacks. The fairgrounds are covered in litter from the evening before. What seems so exciting and fun in the heat of the night, when passions are high, and caution is abandoned, can feel quite empty and desolate in the brightness of the morning.
My heart is calm now. There has been a storm brewing in it for some time, but it finally culminated last night. I have been chasing a dream and living in my fantasies. I have been foolish and have willingly thrown my pride to the wind. I am ready to move on from there now.
I suppose one of my downfalls in life is that I see with my heart, instead of my mind. I feel what people are feeling, and rarely listen to their words. In part, that is because many of us delude ourselves. We try to portray a persona that does not always align with reality. I have found that, given time and a non-judgmental space, people will show you their true worth.
I fell for a man who was unavailable emotionally. He never lied. He never treated me falsely. He does care for me in his own way. He cannot give himself over in the way that I desire, though. I have been in love with his potential, instead of his current reality. We have had a wonderful time, and I will always cherish the moments that we shared. He is my twin soul, and the attraction was immediate and intense. I’m afraid that, after these months together, our paths have diverged, though. It hurts, but he has finally freed me. It is time to lick my wounds and allow the passions that I have nursed for months to calm. My heart is at peace, and I am now free.