I had a plan. For almost a year, I was envisioning my RV life. I had a vision of methodically sorting a lifetime of belongings until I held only that which I most treasured. I could see how I would decorate my new home, and I had imagined glimpses into the new life I would lead.
At times, it was so frustratingly slow, that it was like planning to dive from a cliff. I would tiptoe to the edge, then back off. My friends would shake their heads and admonish my silly ideas. I would read and discuss and learn all that I could, besides just taking the plunge.
Until the Universe finally stepped in…or rather, I got out of the way. In a matter of weeks, I was pushed from a home that I held for five years, and into an RV that my boyfriend bought for us. It was as though the Universe got sick of my rushing to the edge of the cliff, then stepping back. My indecision was torturous. It became impossible to continue on my path, so I took a deep breath, and jumped.
There was the euphoric leap, the feeling of flying, the glimpse of the magical horizon, then the drop into the churning current below. I have been roiling in the white water of moving out, tossing about with endless purging, fighting for the sweet air just beyond my mouth. I have been flailing without direction, and calling out apologies to all I know for the chaos in which I am embroiled.
Finally, I am near the shore. I am dragging myself up on the bank. I am exhausted and spent: physically, emotionally, monetarily. Amongst promises, deposits, begging forgiveness, and prayer, I am still clinging on, and hoping to resolve everything as painlessly as possible. We’re nearly there!
Feb 3, 2016
The tiny experiences I have had in my RV, thus far, have been promising. After many frustrating calls and excursions, my man found us a cute little RV community, tucked away in a neighborhood. If you blink, you would miss it. Our home is situated on a lake, and through our living room picture window, we can watch the ducks and turtles. It is definitely crowded in here, while we try to determine what to keep and what to toss. Once we get completely out of the old house, I will turn my attention to evaluating the true worth of everything we have in here.
Feb 8, 2016
I had a thought earlier, as I was walking the dogs through the community: that home truly is within yourself. Having moved many times throughout my life, I have places that I have spent years, but I cannot say that I ever was HOME. Instead, I have come to discover that HOME is within oneself. When you strip away the housing, the possessions, the relationships, the pets, the church, the school, the jobs, the community, you are left with only your own heart. I think I am learning to find peace in that. It has taken me 40+ years to finally be ok with just “being.” Perhaps, that is really what I needed to learn from the whole endeavor.
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