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Peace At Last

Yesterday was my 42nd birthday. My friends joined me Friday night for some festivities, and it was actually a great test for my Atkins-willpower. Under normal circumstances, my birthday would have been the perfect excuse for drunken revelry and debauchery, but I was able to drink club soda and lime all night, and still have a great time.

Speaking of Atkins, I have lost 13lbs so far! I must say, I really feel great. It is incredible how I can actually suck in my stomach. I know this sounds like such a silly thing, but if you are a carb-eater, when was the last time you actually tried to suck in your tummy? Imagine how you feel after a big bowl of pasta. Now imagine trying to suck your gut in. It just doesn’t work so well, does it?

The feeling of being in ketosis is great. I feel high-energy, slim, healthy, and not hungry at all! I also love that I can eat eggs, meat, cheese, butter, bacon(!), steak, chicken…pretty much all of the things I love to eat. The strange thing is, that I really don’t get hungry. I can tell when my energy starts flagging, it is time to eat. This diet really puts you in touch with your body.

This post isn’t really about my diet, though. I wanted to write about how I have finally found a peaceful place in life. I realized in high school, that I was very goal-focused. It occurred to me that anything I truly wanted would be mine if I just followed desire with intent and action. I would go through intense periods of desire, action, culmination, then the let-down period when I need to find my new project. I constantly found that when I got what I wanted, I needed to find the next big goal to accomplish. I suppose this is why I never get discouraged when things don’t go my way, because I know I will eventually succeed.

While this formula has brought me many things that I desired, it has also brought chaos into my life. As I am writing these words, though, I know that matter is formed from chaos. Perhaps, instead of chaos being a destructive force, it is rather the force from which inspiration is derived. Perhaps, that is why I am so comfortable with chaos. (This last paragraph has sent me Googling the internet for biblical and creation stories, and indeed, form is created from chaos across most cultural references and civilizations). So, in essence, I am the Creator of my life and Destiny, and am One with God. What a wonderful thought! How liberating to know that I can create the existence that I experience, and changing negative circumstances are truly as easy as changing my mind.

In practice, my friends and family know that my magical power is great parking spaces. For whatever reason, I can pull into any parking lot, and a great spot will appear. (I have tried to set the same expectation for red lights, but damn, SWFL is crazy with the timing on lights!). When I truly sit and think about my life, I realize that every wish I have made has come true in some form. That is why, when some challenge arises, I accept it and take an alternate path. I have learned to listen to the voice of God whispering to my intuition. It is only when I fight my inner wisdom that I fail.

What a strange and winding post this has become. I truly set out to say that I have finally found the peace in life that I was seeking. I am not sure how long before I embrace another goal that will catapult me into a new direction, but for now, it is rather pleasant being seated in the chaos, watching the clouds and water and breeze blowing, awaiting my next command.

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