Advertisements

Recording and Burning the Past

I’m restless today. I feel the nervous energy and anxiety like I am preparing for a big trip. It’s not negative at all.

I find that I am missing FL because it was always so easy to take a quick road trip when I felt this way. I could run down to the Keys, or over to Miami and play around for a bit. I find that I am considering running down to Savannah, or up to the mountains. I was even thinking about taking the RV, but it is a bit of a pain in the ass to secure everything. It is also significantly more money for gas, then just taking my convertible.

I have spent the morning transcribing and burning old love letters. In anticipation of traveling and moving around with my love, I have been purging everything that isn’t useful to me now. I sent a bunch of boxes of things to my children last week, and I am now faced with what to do with old journals and mementos of the past. It seems foolish to just toss away these things, so I am transcribing them to my blog, then burning them. If I should ever have the desire to look upon them again, I will have them, but they are not one more piece to carry around.

In truth, this purging has been liberating. I find that I am able to let go of the things that I have carried for decades. Living like a gypsy requires a careful consideration of every item that you possess. If it is simply for decoration, I donate it. If it holds sentimental value, I send it to my children. If it is, as is now the case, old journals, and love letters, I am uploading it to my blog, then burning them.

As I have been reading the letters from my ex, I find my heart strangely unaffected. It makes me glad to release the letters into the ether. I am curious, when I begin doing the same with my journals, how I will feel. I feel light, almost giddy. I know that in purging the old, I am opening up space energetically for the new, and it is a curious feeling. I observe the thoughts and feelings that run through my mind. I long for a call or message from my lover, yet I understand that he is under no obligation to entertain me. He has a life, as do I, and he has no need to rush in the moment my mood or thoughts change on a whim. He will reach out, as he always does, and I will feel the love and comfort that he provides.

Since I finally have a date for his return to me, my mind has been racing. I have been full of thoughts and preparations. I have had a new book bouncing around in my head, and I have begun fleshing it out. It is amusing that some of my best writing comes to me when I am doing a massage. I have to quickly record what I am thinking between sessions. It is my hope to have it finished before my darling returns, but I cannot rush it. I have so many ideas for things, and I just need to let them mature in my thoughts, rather than erratically pushing something before it is ready.

And so, here I sit, vaguely anxious and restless. I still have another 40 letters or so to transcribe to finish this batch of letters. I also have a whole binder of letters from years ago. It makes me wonder why I have kept them. I suppose, like a true writer, you never know from whence inspiration will come.

Advertisements

One thought on “Recording and Burning the Past

Please share your thoughts about the article!

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: