Starting My New Job Today

I start my new job today. It will be nice to start a new routine. I have spent far too much time sitting on my butt and watching movies. I suppose the downtime was what I needed, but I haven’t really enjoyed it.

I also made a decision. I am not going anywhere until at least June of 2018. I know that I am too unsettled from all of the upheaval of the last couple of years to make any good decisions. I wanted to stay with Mom until after the holidays. If I returned to FL at that point, it would be the middle of the season, so rent would be ridiculous, traffic would be gridlocked, and I would not have time to get settled and make money before the slow season came again. I think June is a good time to evaluate my plans. It will also be almost a year from my breakup.

I have lost almost 46 lbs now. I feel really good physically. I actually bought two pairs of jeans yesterday. I cannot remember the last time I wore jeans, but I’m thinking probably 20 years. It gets cold here in the winter, and my wardrobe is full of sundresses and flip-flops. The pretty sundresses that I have worn for years are now getting a bit loose on me, too.

The other “benefit” to losing weight, is suddenly, I appear to be back on the radar with men. It has been so many years since I felt noticed, that I find I am a bit unsure what to do. When I realize a guy is actually looking, my reaction is typically a startled surprise. Far from the confident woman I once was, I feel more like an awkward teen nowadays.

I am also woefully unprepared for understanding the “rules” of dating. It’s been 15 years since I was actually out in the dating world. I will say, the quality of men is much improved, since, by the time they are my age, they tend to have their own place and some financial stability. I know I could sleep with people, but I think it’s too soon for me mentally. I also am not prepared to engage in a relationship. I suppose I am just looking for some distraction from my ex, and to make new friends. I guess I just need the practice. Let’s just call it networking.

Our breakup is different this time. Being in a new place has forced me out of my comfort zone, and in a place where I must take action. When we broke up back in Fort Myers, I had to get used to a routine, when he was intimately intertwined in my life. It made his absence felt all the more keenly. Here, everything is different, so I am not constantly faced with his absence. I actually go through large parts of my day without thinking about him. It doesn’t really hurt anymore. He is receding into the background a bit.

I am finally learning how to be alone. It’s nice. I wake and sleep when I want. If I want to go somewhere, I do. The food in my home is what I want. I feel healthy. I did not choose sobriety for any reason other than to go on the keto diet, but I am realizing the benefits of it. My skin is looking good. I’m dropping weight like crazy. I have energy, sleep well, and save money. I wonder if I will ever pick up the habit again.

Well, I suppose I have rambled on long enough. I suppose the point of today’s post is simply to say that I’m healing. I know I will get there.

Click Here to Read More About Relationships


Please share your thoughts about the article!

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: